June 4, 2008
Banana-na-na-na…Dammit
Ever written down the word banana and kept going? Yeah, that’s me. Writing it is bad enough, but have you ever not stopped while saying this accursed word?
I went out with Halley and Bella last night. They berated me for not calling or stopping by, and the fact that they only know what’s going on in my life by reading the blog. Then we shared a laugh and all was right again.
Bella is freakin’ huge!… Well, compared to how skinny she was before (damn her and her athletic build. lol) Her doctor made her gain weight because he was afraid of her becoming anemic or the baby not getting enough nutrition. When I asked her if she knew what the gender was, she grinned and refused to tell me.
I filled them in on Skinny Me and her bag of issues. I thought Halley was going to permanently become a lovely shade of red as she laughed. Bella just smiled, but I knew she had had such problems in the past, so college antics and youngster angst is not really as hilarious to her as it is to such extreme cynics/loud-mouths as Halley and myself.
The three of us ate a fabulous dinner at Halley’s new place. Her and Edward had bought an old plantation style home outside of the city. She finally quit her lousy job at that gallery and is teaching art history at a tiny college and teaches small art classes once a week. She’s also back to working on her own artwork rather than selling someone else’s.
It turns out Bella left the intern program back at the beginning of May. She said her resident cried when she told him that she was leaving to be a housewife (getting married on Halloween!) and mother for a while. She said she wants to go into pediatrics when the baby gets a little older. She’s totally fearless, my girl. “I love the changes and the fact that it won’t be all about me and Jackson (that’s his full name) anymore. However, I hate that my body isn’t entirely mine now. I’m sharing it with another human being and periodically a doctor examines my very personal areas.”
Halley and I just stared; she beat me to the retort. “You’re a doctor who examines other people’s personal areas. What the hell?” This started us laughing, which made Edward stick his head out of the office. “I don’t wanna know, do I?” He asked smiling.
“Go back to your numbers Teddie Bear and leave us women to our gossip and sensitive-topic conversations.” Halley commented as she poured me and her more margaritas. Aaah, I love maragaritas.
“What kind of fruit do you have?” Bella asked, out of the blue.
“There’s some strawberries, sliced pineapple, and I made Eddie my famous Banana pudding last night because he was craving it and wouldn’t leave me alone until I helped him make it.”
I was half in the hole by this time, mostly because I hadn’t had a good margarita in ages, but i perked up instantly- or instantly with a delay and a slurr on it. 🙂 “You made that pudding?! Can I have some?” Even in my indisposed state, I never should have said anything about it; Halley got that evil little glint in her eyes. “What kind of pudding is it?”
I floundered. “You know what it is! You just said it.”
She chuckled. Halley was an evil supervillain in a past life… or an interrogater for the government. “You have to say what kind it is before you get any.”
I sighed. I didn’t want to say it and she knew that. But, I also really wanted some of her homemade “Nanner Pudding.” I could feel it calling my name. That perfect yellow fruit, the vannila cookies, the whipped cream, and the heavenly pudding from scratch were pulling me like a giant magnet. “Halley, give me some of your damned banana-na pudding before I drown you in my margarita.”
She roared with laughter, causing Bella to join in, and Eddie to leave the office to stare at his insanely malicious wife. I stood up, a little unsteady, and dropped a huge ice cube down her bra as I walked away.
I demolished a large percentage of that pudding, leaving Eddie looking like somebody ran over his new bike the day after Christmas and my stomach communicating much hatred later. Let’s just say I slept on the floor beside the bed to keep the tilting room from making me lose my much earned prize.
btw, *sing song voice* I’m going on vacation! Sand, water, and a half-naked Scottie boy! We haven’t decided on the exact venue for our first summer vacay together, but I am leaning on either the Florida Keys or renting a boat in Greece. Hmm, or maybe Hawaii, or the Phillipines, ooh or New Zealand? Damn! I hate making decisions…. but I do love Greece,
Revenge is best served cold… on ice
March 6, 2008
Hobags And Fake Nails
After a day of pampering with Bella, I have concluded that I am not meant to reproduce. Bella talked about the changes happening to her body, which tells her that things are going as they should… according to her doctor. Well, my body tells me to shut the hell up whenever I feel domestic-like.
I am going to market myself as a psychic! Today, during lunch that Scott and I made in the tiny kitchen in his office building, which included fresh Everything bread and freshly sliced ham and cheese from the mom and pop shop near my apartment, he got really quiet and contemplative while we ate. Of course, I had to bring it up because he loves to talk during our meals, since that seems to be the most time we spend together these days.
He shrugged when I asked him if something was up. What the hell? So, I poked and prodded until he fessed up. It seems that one of his writer’s mother lives in our building and told her that her boss was a very immoral man and that she needed to find another job, for she “feared for her soul,” and any boss who “cohorted with hobags and jezebels,” was not anyone with whom she wanted to work.
I snorted up a piece of ham and choked for a minute. “WHAT?!”
“I supposedly kept her awake a few nights ago with the noises I was making in my apartment, which is above hers. I told ____ that her mother was mistaken because I was here last night.”
Can you see where this is going?? 😀
I put my sandwich down and laughed until my stomach cramped up and tears where smearing my mascara. Scott was just staring at me like… I don’t know, I can’t describe the confused look on his face. I took another minute to calm down, drank a swig of my iced raspberry drink, and smiled at him innocently.
When I was done explaining the events, he was still staring at me… until he began laughing. He didn’t have makeup to smear (thank god!!), but he did get the stomach cramp episode going. I thought he was going to puke with the way he was hunched over. Somebody actually came into the kitchen to see what all the noise was about, which got us both laughing because we couldn’t explain without coming across as insane people.
The bed-jumping evening will forever be remembered in mine and Scott’s time together. All the times I’ve embarrassed myself or done something far from the norm is mentally branded in my family and friends’ memories forever, which I do all the time.
Moving on, I got my nails and toes done, which was a must considering I am notorious for biting my fingernails. Sitting next to Bella, her in a loose red babydoll dress and black stockings, and me in jeans, a t-shirt, and a pair of Ugg boots. How can she be so glamorous after morning sickness and such I’ll never understand.
I stared at her until she smiled and pulled the dress tight to reveal a bump in her normally athletic figure. “Okay, so how far along are you really?” I demanded; Bella is a very introverted person and even with 2 of the closest, most outgoing and social friends, she still holds back details close to her person.
She blushed. “2 &1/2 months.”
I freaked, which sent the young woman doing my nails into a tizzy in a foreign language. I caught bits and pieces that made me laugh before rounding on Bella, who shrinked back in fear.
Jack and Bella go against the natual concept of a couple. They come from opposite ends of the social scale, have ENTIRELY different views of their futures, and compete when it comes to anything and everything. Although, here she is, engaged, pregnant, and finishing her internship this year. She’s taking a year or three off before going into her residency, but between you, me, and the worldwide web, she’s not going back. She’ll love being a stay-at-home mom so much, because she’ll have time for her few favorite hobbies, that she would be content with just Jack working. We all know he makes more than enough to support them. I mean, Gosh!, I’m just sorry I was dating slob/hottie Jake at the time and didn’t scoop him up for myself.
When I wasn’t telling Bella about the things that happened on my side of town, she was gushing over all the things her and Jack have been doing together and how well/ easy her pregnancy seems to be going. They’re going to do a lot of vacation-type things in the next few months in order to get alone time in before the baby is born.
The world is mind boggling,and my brain probably looks like a shaken up game of Boggle, but maybe one day I’ll make sense of everything and learn to not get so over-excited about things and embarrass myself. Maybe, maybe, maybe…
Wedding tomorrow! Wish me luck so I don’t fall on my face! 🙂 btw, Halley has guarenteed that the EX will not be crashing her stylish, elegant wedding because one: it wasn’t announced ANYwhere, and two: there are doorman checking invitations and I.D.s
Oooh Whee! I’m goin’ to a high class function! But where will my i.d. go, I don’t have any pockets in my dress…
February 13, 2008
Becoming A Fairy Godmother
I am freaking out! I worked myself up so bad earlier, Bella thought she was going to have to call an ambulance. I hyperventilate when I get over-excited or extremely upset. I was both. Luckily, I have one of those little brown paper bags in my desk at all times for such cases.
Bella is pregnant!!!!!
This actually proves that I’m psychic. 🙂 I’ve always said that she’s be the first of us to have children. When she told me, she started crying because she didn’t want to become another cliche. I told her to let me go get my shotgun in order to truly make it a Southern cliche.
With Jack always working (he is the head of the legal department of a big pharmaceutical company), she’s afraid that she’ll become a company wife like the women she meets at company picnics and Christmas parties. I really didn’t know what to tell her except that her and Jack needed to sit down and talk about how their routines and lifestyle was going to change. (especially about him not travelling so much)
I’m a little scared for her, and I was able to confide in Scott about my own selfish fears. I barely see Bella enough as it is. Now, our time together will be spent talking about diapers, night feedings, etc. He pulled me closer and made me feel better by saying that Bella was more than likely worrying that me and Halley were going to drop her for a less tied-down friend.
I know it’s life, but why do things have to change just as I was beginning to have hope of being completely satisfied with life for once?
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Simple Woman, Complicated Life 