06.20.09
Sales, Pails, and, By God, Them Damn Stair Rails
Jeez, it’s been two and a half months since my last post, and I must say that I have missed WordPress something terrible.
I have major news, upon news, upon some more news! I sold my business to a franchise, one with Book in its title. I couldn’t be more happy with the money I made, but I will be sad to watch it go. I made a deal for my current employees to either get jobs with this new company or get some great looking severance checks. I know how to take care of my peeps. I was caught by a neighbor on the street the other day; she told me that the block wouldn’t be the same without me and my book rentals and Friday and Saturday coffee and breakfast sales. I have no idea what I am going to do once the store is truly no longer mine. Sleep? and uninstall Quickbooks?! lol btw, I reassured Jesse that not only would I keep her on my payroll until I was finished with the store and gone, but I would also help her get another good job with fabulous recommendations and such. I really should’ve gone it Public Relations.
Next item: Bella’s wedding weekend on Jekyll Island was fabulous, except for the fact that Skippy and I got in this HUGE fight the day before we were supposed to drive down there and he didn’t go. We were fighting because he did not want me to sell my business and I didn’t want him to go to an interview in D.C. for the government. When I got back, he let my hangover wear off before we began the discussion over. He listened to my business and eventually agreed it was probably the smartest thing for me to do. I listened to him and still fussed with him over getting a job based in Washington. Eventually, he agreed to stick with his at-home work until he could find something better in GA. The whole stay-at-home all the time working is getting to him.
Anyways, the wedding was great. we drank and partied and got sand everwhere. I got tanner, Halley got redder, and Bella got high after the reception and went skinny dipping. Good times… Bella’s wedding reminded me of the summer we all graduated, or what I remember of it 
The waiter did look a lot like this guy that i had spent the week with at his condo…
More news: We are moving. I will go ahead and forewarn you of future bitching about Scott’s inability to handle moving, no matter how much he wants it. At first, we were debating a country house closer to his family on the GA/AL border, but then I fell in love with this townhouse in the historic district of Savannah and that was all she wrote. Who cares that we’re paying an ungodly amount of money for a 1/4 acre! It’s 30 frickin minutes to Tybee and the beach! And, for an hour more we could go to the more private islands. I am so damn excited to go back to Savannah, and to make things better, we are nowhere near my mother or sisters! Hot Damn how lucky! I hate that the fireplaces are closed up but fell for the built-in bookshelves!!! I thinking of either getting a job at a library or something of the other. Also, I found the website that Skip’s been looking for jobs on and there is an opening for a budget analyst for the Army near where we are moving. Coincidence or fate? 
Hauser has been dropping by at very inopportune times to remind me that he has a business associate down in Savannah and will be visiting us. I continue to remind him that no time in the near century will I be leaving Scott for him, no matter how much he tries. However, I’ve gotta watch out for him. Hauser’s like the ugly puppy that you end up letting in just cause it is relentless, but Hauser is not ugly in any way.
I’m off to go back to the store to continue to go through the books to filch the ones I wanted.
04.06.09
I Been Bad
Yes, I have. I’m wearing the most beautiful, most expensive, piece of jewelry that I’ve ever touched in my entire life and Saturday I find myself drooling over a Bulgari ad on the New York Times website, which turned into a quick click to read the story on Bulgari’s “Save The Children” line of jewelry, that became an hour long perusing of the Bulgari website. I have an addiction to spending money.
To counteract this addiction, I have signed up to volunteer at a food bank over in dekalb county, a summer program at this big methodist church that me and Jake used to go to, and am on the contact sheet for the same church’s tutoring program starting in the fall. This has been a thought in the making toward action. It culminated in the store the other day when this college student tried to judge me based on how I was dressed and the fact that I was sitting there looking at Nordstrom’s website. She tried to get into it with me over my shallow and materialistic habits and I totally ripped her a new one. I know envy may have played a part in her outburst, but there was a lesson that she needed to learn: Public Behavior. *sigh* I was once very outspoken about my beliefs too, but it is imperative that we all learn the right place, the right time, and the right way to go about promoting our views.
Anyway… Feeling a bit guilty is not the sole reason for me finally having found somewhere where I can help those that have not had the luck that I have. My junior and senior year in college, myself, a few friends (from the many clubs and organizations I participated in), my RA, and my economics professor’s TA (who I may or may not have been fooling around with at the time) met up and started volunteering at multiple churches, food banks, homeless shelters, and even Boy & Girls of America. So, I feel its way past high time I get back into volunteering. My mother runs a clothing drive several times a year, and my father would open up his farm to the public as a summer program for teens who needed a job or even just a place to be during the day, my family has never been one to shy away from sharing what we have.
When I told Scott about it, he pulled me into a hug and said, “Well haven’t you had a busy day?” and grinned. I don’t know how he can be so unfazed about anything and everything. I could tell him that I was growing a purple toe, and he would laugh and ask if I needed help doing my pedicure. We got to talking about it, and he wasn’t surprised at all the work I had done my junior and senior year. In fact, his parents used to work with Habitat For Humanity and even went out to Louisiana to clean up after Katrina. That’s where his brother met his wife.
In this downward-spiraling economy, no help offered will be turned away, and until we get out of this downslide, I will be doing all I can, withing good reason. I don’t want to have a sleep-deprivation-caused breakdown like I did halfway through my senior year.
Happy spring break to all of those that are on vacation this week!
03.30.09
A Little Insight Goes A Long Way…
I don’t like seeing my own flaws in somebody else’s life… I don’t think anybody does. It emphasizes them, hyperbolizes them, and just drives me effing crazy! I watched Sex & The City (The movie) tonight, and although I loved it, I noticed one too many things in it that mirrored myself. Yeah, the shoes made me drool. I swear I said, “I love her shoes!” every scene change, which equated to every 3-5 minutes
Anyway, never have I ever watched a movie that hit me so close to home that I wanted to cry. The last time I cried during a movie, I was watching Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron with my niece. No lie. However, the whoel thing between Carrie and Big with his fear of commitment and her taking over was just… made me think- except I couldn’t think because I was speechless. I just sat there, on the couch in my pjs and bridesmaid shoes (get there in a minute), forcing myself not to cry and/or point this out to Skip, who was in the office arguing with his accountant. However, I do believe the gender roles have reversed, which both freaks me out and makes me relieved that I am not the selfish one (*cough* I used to be though…).
I do believe this week will be a time of self-evaluation. I am going to take a good look at myself, and I will figure out what the F&!$ is going on that makes me so unhappy sometimes. At least I am not Samantha, ’cause I don’t think I could give up Bubby the way she broke up with her guy. After the movie ended (and I drained my wineglass), I tossed myself into Scott’s lap, kissed him, and told him that I was never going to leave him.
He laughed, made some highly raunchy remark about me showing up in his lap drunk, and then kissed me back saying something that I will never forget. “I would let you go if it made you happy, but I thank heaven everyday that you’re happy with me.” Isn’t he the best? I think that’s why I get into these funks. I feel like I don’t deserve a man who can be both demanding in what he wants, but he also gives in order to not scare me away. Personally, I have horrible timing and give when I’m supposed to demand and vice versa.
On a shallower note, my bridesmaid shoes are the shit. I don’t know why I never bought these shoes before, but they are mine now! I went a little crazy with the Blahnik’s because I bought three pairs of shoes, officially killing any thought of a spring vacation that I had been having. Blahnik is officially my favorite… well it’s a tight race with Louboutin and a few others
These are for the wedding. They were cheap compared to the other 2 that I got, and I have a thing for high heels with ankle straps. Besides, I’d rather have on shoes that it’s easy to get sand out of than have on pumps and still be shaking out sand 6 months later.
I will find a reason to wear these; I’ve seen some just like them and pined over them ever since they came out.
I finally got something in animal print. I feel so dirty for following this trend, but I look so good in them that any trend-following woe is instantly canceled out.
You do not want to know just how close I came to buying these babies, but they were too much of a star in Sex & the City… it went to their head
With my obsession, I might as well start a fashion blog and throw in a personal post once a month. That’s what it feels like I do sometimes. I am now broke; Scott says I wear broke well… the ass. lol He won’t be laughing when he’s paying the rent next month, I’ll tell you now.
It’s amazing how we still haven’t merged our finances. I think we haven’t done so yet because he doesn’t want me to know just how Richie Rich he be, and I don’t want him to know that I have been slowly dabbling in my inheritance and not paying myself out of the bookstore. Bad economic times suck ass! This’ll be the last shoe binge I do for quite a while, which sucks. I am a shoe addict and proud of it. I can vintage clothing store shop like a pro mofo, but shoes are sacred. They go on your feet for God’s sake! I don’t want something on my feet that somebody else wore doing only God knows what. Boys and girls, I had to burst your bubbles but, you cannot get “life” out of satin pumps.
Side note: Bella, Halley, when you read this, voicemail swear your silence, love you guys
Off to watch Twilight again… don’t even get me started on this one.
Too bad I can’t be the woman who lives in a shoe (but no kids cause one would be more than what I would know what to do with ), cause then I would have more homes than Brad and Angelina.
01.16.09
Who Am I?
Dazed
Dumbstruck
Dangerously Depressed
It is official… I have lost all faith in humanity. We lie to, cheat on, hurt, and steal from each other. Lies are the scars on the soul. I knew I was different; had this feeling that all was not as it should be. I see my mother in a new light; I love her and feel disappointed in her all in the same breath. I am the product of a lie. I feel as if I could sit in a shower hours and still come out with dirt upon me, for it is not a physical uncleanliness. My father’s indiscretions cannot be scoured from my soul just as I cannot change what DNA courses through my veins.
My father cheated on my mother. Not only was he married before her, divorced after a mere year with this unnamed woman, but he had an affair. This relationship almost destroyed their marriage, for my dad had intended to leave my mom and older siblings for this other woman. Some hippy folk singer with a passion for appaloosas. This other woman died, and I am her child.
The veil has been lifted, and I am furious without it. I am speechless. I haven’t been to work in a week. Scott rocks me to sleep every night, the dear. If my father weren’t dead, I fear what I may have done to him. My mind cannot focus on anything other than the thought of who I am- or rather who I’m not… anymore. I’m not Daddy’s Little Girl- or I am and that’s why mama and I consistently bumped heads… the thought of the arguments my mama and I had play constantly through my head. I cannot seem to cease the self-inflicted torture… imagining every unsaid thing during our famous fights.
How could I possibly marry now?! How could I possibly not drive a man crazy with my ingrained paranoia and fear?!
Shit
I am so angry that I am just numb
I wanna stand in the street and scream at people. Scream at them for being so cruel. This wars with my need to scream at my mama for taking him back, taking my infant self into her life. And my urge to hug her forever and thank her for loving me when she didn’t have to.
I am a broken person, caught in an internal version of all Hell let lose.
Nobody ever tells me anything… until it’s too late.
12.31.08
Top 5 of 2008
Top 5 WTF! books that I read in 2008:
- 5.) Star by Pamela Anderson. For real! A book about her but with a different name. Not recommended for anybody really, but especially not for those with the maturaity level below about 20.
- 4.) Running With Scissors by Augusten Burroughs. Also watched the movie. It was… weird, of course, but the movie has quite a few moments of hilarity and aww!ness.
- 3.) Atonement by Ian McEwan. Loved the book and the movie. Yummy James MacAvoy!! The twist made it! Made me cry, but well worth the tears.
- 2.) Mr. Darcy Takes A Wife by Linda Berdoll. I read this on whim because a loyal customer referred me to it when she noticed my well-worn copy of Pride And Prejudice. Woah, Mama! It made me laugh, blush, and quite speechless. A bit too far into romance novels for my taste, but a good read as it may have incited some similar goings-on with me and my beloved. Whew!
- and- *dun dun dun* 1.) The Twilight Series. I know it’s more than one book, but it would have conquered my list if I had listed them seperately! I mean seriously, People! WTF!! I got them for my niece, and she was all, “Enh… I read it when it first came out.” and was not into the hype like so many other girls her age. High school Musical is one thing (and don’t get me started on it), but vampires… in high school… *sigh* I am one of the biggest vamp fans if you were to ask me about authors such as Charlaine Harris, Laurell K. Hamilton, and other such other great writers, but not when it comes to “young” vampires. *steps down from soapbox* I shutup now.
Ladeedah. I’m in Savannah again for New Year’s. However, I am not happy, nor will I be partaking in any festivities. I found out today that my father had been married once already when he and my mother got together. The secrets, they shall be revealed to me!!!
09.26.08
Seconds Anyone?
As you may well know, Scott and I have been looking at houses and talking about buying one together. This is a fast move for me since we’ve only been dating for what will be a year on Thanksgiving Eve. However, I haven’t been complaining because I love the crazy man to death.
Anyways, we’ve been getting into the whole living together thing, and let me tell you, we are having a ball!! It’s like he never even had to go through that whole adaption period that plagues some couples. He’s been such a good boy that I’ve forgiven the stressed version of him (which is annoyingly scary btw). He’s show his gratitude by being home from work at decent hours and working with me to cook dinner. I’ve fallen into this relaxed domesticity that I’ve gotten to where I don’t bitch about having to clean up my messes. Who’s growing up?! *raises hand* That’d be me!
Well, the past few nights, after the dogs have been walked and are laying on our feet and we’re snuggled up in my… excuse me OUR *does a little jig*… bed, we’ve been talking (or holding meetings as I call it) where we discuss stuff or just talk about our day. Well, we’ve come to a realization after several nights of discussion… moving is bad for our relationship. I was the first one to suggest it while his mind was on a tangent that I will not mention, but he agreed heartily once I reminded him of me pushing him over to hit his head on the tv stand while he was being a lunatic over having to pay half a months rent. Yeah, I had to get violent with him a few times to make him see the light. And, NO, I don’t mean the literal light at the end of the tunnel. I would never go that far with Skippy. lol
So, I suggested we put off House-a-palooza 2008 and just focus on us. He said that palooza would be making a comeback in ‘09, and I punched him in the shoulder. He grinned, brought up the thought tangent as a matter of business for our meeting; I seconded the motion. I am such a dork! Hey, who said all that terminology you learn in college would go to waste?
Who’s got raunchy maroon 5 songs stuck in their head? Me!…. and I like it! lol Have a great weekend! I’m off to have another meeting with my man
07.29.08
Guilty Of Blog Neglect
My laptop has been out of commission since… when was the last post I wrote? I’ve been suffering from withdrawal like a cokewhore stuck with a very expensive bag of powdered sugar. I don’t know how I survived before I got this man-made beauty because I surely can’t survive without it now apparently. I had to do all my orders over the phone and with a tree’s-worth of legal pads. I guess it was a goods thing you readers did not get to witness this meltdown of my humanity and social acceptance… It was not pretty lol
I admit that my behavior was horrible, and as soon as I got my precious laptop back from the techies that I beg and flirt with to fix my stuff, I rehired Jesse because she had quit, and gave everyone a slight raise to stay. Things are smoothed over now, but they walk around like there are random landmines strewn under the floor. I think they are expecting another episode of Lina: Homicidal Bitch and Tyrant.
It also helps that I closed up shop for a day or two, giving us all a much needed cooling down day. I went down to Jekyll Island with the chicas and cooked my face on the beach. Water-proof sunblock my ass. Now I got the perfect color to end the vacation season and more shot glasses for my collection. Yes, I have a collection of shotglasses. I buy one every time I go somewhere new. I stole on from a bar in Greece since I couldn’t find a gift shop in the tiny village we docked at.
Scott handled it all surprisingly well. He cooked and didn’t make any type of his typical remarks when I bitched. He was, and is still being, well-rewarded for the trouble. wink wink I think I may still blow his mind yet. lol
I missed everybody and wonder how you all are doing!!
Why, oh why, does my skin peel so?!
07.09.08
The Will Of Man
If I ever EVER have children, they get to fight over my possessions when I die. That’s a big if anyway, but they’ll get to experience what I’m going through now. I’ve driven down to Savannah 4 or 5 times in the past week to go help my family settle my father’s estate and belongings. Let me tell you, getting the mementos that you want from a family without a will to go by is as difficult as fitting a square peg into a round hole. I’m the square peg of the family! My mom and dad owned quite a bit of land out in the country where they raised, bred, and sold horses. Well, that’s what my dad did. My mom worked elsewhere and spent his money.
I have a horse there by the name of Bean, he’s a pinto (get it lol). Well, I grew up on this horse, was in the high school rodeo association with Bean, and have a bum knee because of this horse. I was barrel racing on him when he slipped and rolled over on my left leg. My knee and down was torn to hell and back, and I was laid up in the bed for a couple of weeks and got to go to school in a wheelchair and then with crutches. It still gives me trouble from time to time, and I’ll probably be as stiff as an old lady’s teased hairdo when I get old, but those years I spent on a horse were gold. Of course, after my accident Daddy wouldn’t let me go near competitive riding, and when I rode for fun somebody had to be with me.
Anyway, back to his stuff. Bean is in my dad’s name, and as his wife, my mom gets everything. My mom is a pretty cool lady for a small-town gal, but she once mentioned selling “Green Acres” as my dad jokingly called it I miss his corny jokes. I liked to have stroked out, but she heard the strangled growl/choking sound I made and changed the subject. After all was said and done, during which time I made myself not seriously injure my two older siblings, I was able to drive away with my dad’s gun collection (and there’s a damn lot of them), all of his books (there weren’t a lot of them-mostly old cookbooks and out-dated encyclopedias), a pocketknife, and the keys to his 1974 yellow Mustang. It stays in a storage building in Savannah until I can get it finished enough to be able to drive it up to Atlanta, but I don’t have anywhere to put an classic car. I guess Scott could drive it to work since it gets better gas mileage than his truck by far. That’s something I want to take a picture of: my big bear Skippy behind the wheel of that car.
That’s another reason I couldn’t argue for more of my dad’s stuff; I don’t have anywhere to put it. I could’ve talked my mom into selling me “Green Acres” cheap, and I could get a loan to build me a little house out there, but I’m settled in my city ways. I can’t go back to country-bumpkin-ville. If she sells it, I will move all my shit to Savannah and make it my life’s mission to make her regret it. I can understand moving on with her life and all, but she cannot sell my dad’s life’s work! He came out of a bad childhood into a very successful adulthood, and I wil not see that sold away!
On a lighter note, Scott’s been quietly gleeful about something, but he won’t tell me what it it. I told him that he better not make me use my “womanly wiles” on him, and he pulled the Home Alone face (remember Macauley caulkin before the drugs… aww right? lol) and wiggled his butt at me as he walked away. Do all men secretly have feminine streaks in them, or did I just rub off too badly on my big manly man and make him into a womanly man :O lol
Things should calm down and go back to normal now that I don’t have to deal with family bullcrappola anymore. Off to order in new stock! I can just smell that new book smell now!!!
Who needs a man’s man when you can have a woman’s man? rrwwwaaarrr….
07.02.08
Rediscovering The Meaning Of Family
and it hasn’t changed…
I will never be able to look at my touristy hometown the same ever again. I won’t ever drive by a cemetary with that cool displaced sympathy, or see a funeral procession and get angry about the traffic it caused. Flower arrangements make me go quiet, and churches put a lump in my throat. And, I won’t be eating chicken ever again.
My father passed away early Saturday morning, and I swear if I hear one more estranged family or friend say “I’m so sorry for your loss” I think I may scream. An unspoken truce was given between me and me two sisters as soon as I arrived at the hospital Friday evening, still wearing the clothes I left Greece in.
I had no clothes, so with the wonderful Scott’s help and a camera phone, he brought me several outfits that fit the part of youngest daughter that I had to play… even though (and I don’t mean to brag *brushes fingernails against shoulder*) my clothes were of better quality. I felt like such an outsider; One who was standing there smiling at strangers and people I hadn’t seen in forever exclaiming, “You’re so tall!” “I haven’t seen you since you were This tall” and My VERY Favorite “glad to see you grew out of that awkward phase and into your lady parts!” I had to force a smile and remind myself I was in a church in order to not pull some hair or cuss like a sailor. I have very little patience for people who don’t talk to you or visit until there’s a marriage, a birth, or a death.
piece of advice: if you’re taking food to a mourning family or friend… don’t take chicken of any kind. Take entres or dessert- alcohol would’ve been nice too
Like I told Scott when we were leaving the gravesite to go back to my sister’s house for lunch, I miss him yeah, but he had always had problems, and it’s been so long since I’ve seen him that it is not this huge tragedy to me. If he had been healthy and happy and then was killed in some kind of accident then I would probably be devastated.
I think that’s why I stayed up North after I finished college to start my business. I cried a few times for a short minute, but nothing like the other family members. If they think I’m cold and don’t care then they can confront me about it because I’ve been in the mood to argue with my sisters for months now.
But that story is for an entire post unto itself. We all act like we’re teenagers again and fight like cats and dogs if we’re together for more than a few hours. That’s why the unspoken truce was needed.
I’m back home finally though, and it’s been raining. I love rain when I’m in a bad mood. It’s like Mother Nature is sympathizing with me and plans to make everyone as miserable as I am. I’m supposed to go back to work tomorrow since Jesse has left a couple of frantic messages on my phone and email in the past few hours.
I just don’t have the energy or the feeling to go order stock, pay everybody, and get back into my routine of work and worry. Scott needs to get a new job, so I can sell the store and live off his money. Did you know he has a trust fund from his grandmother that he puts in a savings account rather than live off it?! I sure didn’t! Until he told me where he got some of the money for our vacation that is. Looks like I caught me a rich one anyway lol
I’m off to lay in the bed and stare at my tan, which feels like ages ago. How I wish to be back on that boat again, happy, care-free, and with my lovey.
Have you seen my land-legs, cause I haven’t found them yet and have been stumbling all over the place?!
06.16.08
Budget Feuding and Sexy Brooding
note to self: never fall in love with someone who hates spending money
Scott and I have been arguing for the past week practically over my monetary habits. With the vacation knocking on our door, we’ve both been stressed trying to get our jobs set up to survive in our absence. He’s been coming home with his already short hair pulled into stress-induced spikes, grabbing a couple of beers, and hunkering down in his chair with his laptop and notepad. I’ve been balancing the booking, I’m setting stuff up to be able to pay everybody this Friday rather than the usual next Tuesday (Damn! that’s gonna screw up the whole bi-weekly routine i have), teaching Jesse things about the store’s shipping, restocking, “special customers”, etc in order for her not to do the hair-pully, very scarey, stress thing that Scott’s been doing.
All this has come together to stir up some monumental fights in Hermitsville. He’s get pissed that I’ve been buying him clothes and stuff for the trip. I get pissed because he’s acting bitchy, and so on and so forth. I hate, absolutely hate fighting, shouting, yelling, and any other negative confrontation of the sort, but I go there when I deem it worth it. Scott is worth it.
After I prove him a little wrong, or he gets his point across in the loudest way possible and I get loud back at him, he throws himself into his chair and stares at either his computer screen or the tv, pouting like a little boy. No matter how angry I am, this cools me down instantly; he’s just so sexy when he broods/pouts that I can’t resist getting him riled up in a very different manner.
Which is the reason I’ve been going to sleep on my long lunch breaks and my eyes feel crusty and dry. He came home this evening having left all of his stuff at work “by accident,” and we both laid down, going to sleep at around 6:30. Of course, I woke up about 2 hours ago starving, so I woke him up, and we ate bagged salad poured into a big bowl with leftover chicken cut up and tossed in, chopped up baby carrots, and Italian dressing. We fork-dueled over the last piece of chicken, which he won (the booger), and our play-fighting turned into some very good makeup sex. Good God, I cannot get enough of this man! I told him so, and he laughed, saying, “You better not because I ain’t goin’ anywhere. You’re stuck with me.” Yay, I say. Wouldn’t want to be stuck with anyone else.
Whoever said makeup sex is better than any other sex is stupid, but they may be onto something in their own perverted, too-much-time-on-their-hands, way.
Yay, I say.
