06.20.09
Sales, Pails, and, By God, Them Damn Stair Rails
Jeez, it’s been two and a half months since my last post, and I must say that I have missed WordPress something terrible.
I have major news, upon news, upon some more news! I sold my business to a franchise, one with Book in its title. I couldn’t be more happy with the money I made, but I will be sad to watch it go. I made a deal for my current employees to either get jobs with this new company or get some great looking severance checks. I know how to take care of my peeps. I was caught by a neighbor on the street the other day; she told me that the block wouldn’t be the same without me and my book rentals and Friday and Saturday coffee and breakfast sales. I have no idea what I am going to do once the store is truly no longer mine. Sleep? and uninstall Quickbooks?! lol btw, I reassured Jesse that not only would I keep her on my payroll until I was finished with the store and gone, but I would also help her get another good job with fabulous recommendations and such. I really should’ve gone it Public Relations.
Next item: Bella’s wedding weekend on Jekyll Island was fabulous, except for the fact that Skippy and I got in this HUGE fight the day before we were supposed to drive down there and he didn’t go. We were fighting because he did not want me to sell my business and I didn’t want him to go to an interview in D.C. for the government. When I got back, he let my hangover wear off before we began the discussion over. He listened to my business and eventually agreed it was probably the smartest thing for me to do. I listened to him and still fussed with him over getting a job based in Washington. Eventually, he agreed to stick with his at-home work until he could find something better in GA. The whole stay-at-home all the time working is getting to him.
Anyways, the wedding was great. we drank and partied and got sand everwhere. I got tanner, Halley got redder, and Bella got high after the reception and went skinny dipping. Good times… Bella’s wedding reminded me of the summer we all graduated, or what I remember of it 
The waiter did look a lot like this guy that i had spent the week with at his condo…
More news: We are moving. I will go ahead and forewarn you of future bitching about Scott’s inability to handle moving, no matter how much he wants it. At first, we were debating a country house closer to his family on the GA/AL border, but then I fell in love with this townhouse in the historic district of Savannah and that was all she wrote. Who cares that we’re paying an ungodly amount of money for a 1/4 acre! It’s 30 frickin minutes to Tybee and the beach! And, for an hour more we could go to the more private islands. I am so damn excited to go back to Savannah, and to make things better, we are nowhere near my mother or sisters! Hot Damn how lucky! I hate that the fireplaces are closed up but fell for the built-in bookshelves!!! I thinking of either getting a job at a library or something of the other. Also, I found the website that Skip’s been looking for jobs on and there is an opening for a budget analyst for the Army near where we are moving. Coincidence or fate? 
Hauser has been dropping by at very inopportune times to remind me that he has a business associate down in Savannah and will be visiting us. I continue to remind him that no time in the near century will I be leaving Scott for him, no matter how much he tries. However, I’ve gotta watch out for him. Hauser’s like the ugly puppy that you end up letting in just cause it is relentless, but Hauser is not ugly in any way.
I’m off to go back to the store to continue to go through the books to filch the ones I wanted.
03.30.09
A Little Insight Goes A Long Way…
I don’t like seeing my own flaws in somebody else’s life… I don’t think anybody does. It emphasizes them, hyperbolizes them, and just drives me effing crazy! I watched Sex & The City (The movie) tonight, and although I loved it, I noticed one too many things in it that mirrored myself. Yeah, the shoes made me drool. I swear I said, “I love her shoes!” every scene change, which equated to every 3-5 minutes
Anyway, never have I ever watched a movie that hit me so close to home that I wanted to cry. The last time I cried during a movie, I was watching Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron with my niece. No lie. However, the whoel thing between Carrie and Big with his fear of commitment and her taking over was just… made me think- except I couldn’t think because I was speechless. I just sat there, on the couch in my pjs and bridesmaid shoes (get there in a minute), forcing myself not to cry and/or point this out to Skip, who was in the office arguing with his accountant. However, I do believe the gender roles have reversed, which both freaks me out and makes me relieved that I am not the selfish one (*cough* I used to be though…).
I do believe this week will be a time of self-evaluation. I am going to take a good look at myself, and I will figure out what the F&!$ is going on that makes me so unhappy sometimes. At least I am not Samantha, ’cause I don’t think I could give up Bubby the way she broke up with her guy. After the movie ended (and I drained my wineglass), I tossed myself into Scott’s lap, kissed him, and told him that I was never going to leave him.
He laughed, made some highly raunchy remark about me showing up in his lap drunk, and then kissed me back saying something that I will never forget. “I would let you go if it made you happy, but I thank heaven everyday that you’re happy with me.” Isn’t he the best? I think that’s why I get into these funks. I feel like I don’t deserve a man who can be both demanding in what he wants, but he also gives in order to not scare me away. Personally, I have horrible timing and give when I’m supposed to demand and vice versa.
On a shallower note, my bridesmaid shoes are the shit. I don’t know why I never bought these shoes before, but they are mine now! I went a little crazy with the Blahnik’s because I bought three pairs of shoes, officially killing any thought of a spring vacation that I had been having. Blahnik is officially my favorite… well it’s a tight race with Louboutin and a few others
These are for the wedding. They were cheap compared to the other 2 that I got, and I have a thing for high heels with ankle straps. Besides, I’d rather have on shoes that it’s easy to get sand out of than have on pumps and still be shaking out sand 6 months later.
I will find a reason to wear these; I’ve seen some just like them and pined over them ever since they came out.
I finally got something in animal print. I feel so dirty for following this trend, but I look so good in them that any trend-following woe is instantly canceled out.
You do not want to know just how close I came to buying these babies, but they were too much of a star in Sex & the City… it went to their head
With my obsession, I might as well start a fashion blog and throw in a personal post once a month. That’s what it feels like I do sometimes. I am now broke; Scott says I wear broke well… the ass. lol He won’t be laughing when he’s paying the rent next month, I’ll tell you now.
It’s amazing how we still haven’t merged our finances. I think we haven’t done so yet because he doesn’t want me to know just how Richie Rich he be, and I don’t want him to know that I have been slowly dabbling in my inheritance and not paying myself out of the bookstore. Bad economic times suck ass! This’ll be the last shoe binge I do for quite a while, which sucks. I am a shoe addict and proud of it. I can vintage clothing store shop like a pro mofo, but shoes are sacred. They go on your feet for God’s sake! I don’t want something on my feet that somebody else wore doing only God knows what. Boys and girls, I had to burst your bubbles but, you cannot get “life” out of satin pumps.
Side note: Bella, Halley, when you read this, voicemail swear your silence, love you guys
Off to watch Twilight again… don’t even get me started on this one.
Too bad I can’t be the woman who lives in a shoe (but no kids cause one would be more than what I would know what to do with ), cause then I would have more homes than Brad and Angelina.
01.25.09
Stone Cold Sober & Chilly
For those who I’ve worried with my hugemongo breakdown, I’m doing better. I am now going to work for small bits of time everyday and can sleep without the crying jag or inebriance. I still find myself staring off into lala land, ignoring people like someone’s gonna come by and drop another life changer on my head. Without the drink, I am now the coldest person in the Southeast. Thank goodness the warm air moved in for a little while to ease the breeze.
So, Scott took me on a shopping spree today. It was an internet spree since it was nasty out, but we got dressed for a public journey and sat at the coffee table eating his wonderful potato soup, which was such a flashback. See Official First Date. I haven’t been shopping in a month. Shocking, I know. Anyway, Scott said that we were celebrating Valentine’s Day early. I asked why, of course. I like my holidays where they are, chronological order and all. He looked a little sad and said that he’ll be in New York on business that entire week.
So, I had a cow. I flipped out since it is impossible for me to sleep without him now. I admit it, I am forever stuck on the big booger. He promised that he would have his phone on him at ALL times, and it was ok if I called and interrupted a meeting, no matter how important and such- even if it was just to hear his voice. I hugged him, and we proceeded to work out my budget for my comeback to the world of the living.
Which I blew the majority of at Victoria’s Secret and on a grand bag from Dooney & Bourke.
The Shoe Addict is back and will be kickin’ her heels as soon as these babies come in. I wish my legs looked like that in effing January! I admit I keep them looking good, but they are some pale sticks, albeit soft ones.
Hello mama!
I mean, how can you not feel better when you’re struttin’ your stuff in these? Admittedly, this makes me look a little shallow, but I get my healing where I can. I got some very pretty, boyfriend-friendly, under garments. I just love vicky’s secret. So comfy but so sexy.
On a sour note, I have yet to turn my phone back on, and my personal email account is probably feeling very lonely. However, I just really don’t feel like talking to any of my family right now. Just like when my dad died, I will heal on my own with my non-biological family up here in Atlanta, where I belong. Halley and Bella had put me under suicide watch… when Scott wasn’t making sure I continued to take breaths, that is. They are the greatest. Edward sent over a cd of songs. A lot of it was country and about cheating or drinking. Got me to laughing at least. Jack’s contributions were to keep Baby Leigh (so Bella could come spend time with Halley and me) and some homemade Cheese Bread (he is quite the baker- when he gets the time).
They are the reason I got out of my funk. Besides the useless threats of doing harm upon my person and harmless jokes to get me to keep up a showering routine, they were there for me. Even Jesse showed up with a bottle of wine and a message from Ray. *sigh* I love redneck Ray. I figured I had way too much to live for to dwell on dead people for too long. I guess, eventually, my curiousity will get the better of me, and I’ll go searching for that unknown family, but until then, I’m enjoying the one I don’t share DNA with… it seems to work best that way.
I am truly blessed, something I guess I don’t say enough.
01.16.09
Who Am I?
Dazed
Dumbstruck
Dangerously Depressed
It is official… I have lost all faith in humanity. We lie to, cheat on, hurt, and steal from each other. Lies are the scars on the soul. I knew I was different; had this feeling that all was not as it should be. I see my mother in a new light; I love her and feel disappointed in her all in the same breath. I am the product of a lie. I feel as if I could sit in a shower hours and still come out with dirt upon me, for it is not a physical uncleanliness. My father’s indiscretions cannot be scoured from my soul just as I cannot change what DNA courses through my veins.
My father cheated on my mother. Not only was he married before her, divorced after a mere year with this unnamed woman, but he had an affair. This relationship almost destroyed their marriage, for my dad had intended to leave my mom and older siblings for this other woman. Some hippy folk singer with a passion for appaloosas. This other woman died, and I am her child.
The veil has been lifted, and I am furious without it. I am speechless. I haven’t been to work in a week. Scott rocks me to sleep every night, the dear. If my father weren’t dead, I fear what I may have done to him. My mind cannot focus on anything other than the thought of who I am- or rather who I’m not… anymore. I’m not Daddy’s Little Girl- or I am and that’s why mama and I consistently bumped heads… the thought of the arguments my mama and I had play constantly through my head. I cannot seem to cease the self-inflicted torture… imagining every unsaid thing during our famous fights.
How could I possibly marry now?! How could I possibly not drive a man crazy with my ingrained paranoia and fear?!
Shit
I am so angry that I am just numb
I wanna stand in the street and scream at people. Scream at them for being so cruel. This wars with my need to scream at my mama for taking him back, taking my infant self into her life. And my urge to hug her forever and thank her for loving me when she didn’t have to.
I am a broken person, caught in an internal version of all Hell let lose.
Nobody ever tells me anything… until it’s too late.
12.27.08
It’s Christmas (Part 1)
As I sit here listening to my Ipod (set to shuffle), I get to relax for the first time in 2 weeks. The Alabamians have ended their conquering of my apartment, heading home this morning after being in Atlanta since Christmas Eve. Scott never looked as happy as when he was sitting at our kitchen table surrounded by his loud relatives. It was only a few days, but it felt like the Inquisition! His mother constantly made not-so-subtle remarks about my naked ring finger, and his brother hit on me… literally, we wrestled in the living room over the aspects of some novel. I won, of course.
Skinny Me was there. EEK! It was disastorous at first. I should’ve been wearing a black and white shirt I refereed so many arguments, but I don’t look good in stripes. lol
So, Christmas this year was a very toned event for me, gift-wise. I got Skippy this black tie with red reindeer on it- very sophisticated looking, a new pair of brown shoes from Bass, (He’s hard to buy for- Bigfoot) and a couple of new shirts and stuff. I can’t buy him other stuff because he’s got everything he wants, and buying him things like a neck massager or whatever would just be lame.
He got me a red cashmere sweater to replace the one I can’t find, a knock-off Gucci bag (*inward scream* It looks so real and is soooo pretty) some books by Harmon Leon (Google him- he is hilarious), and a pair of dangly diamond earrings and matching necklace. It makes me feel bad that he got me more than I got him, but I got over it real quick like.
We went down to Savannah last weekend for my mother’s annual Christmas party. I got drunk off my face and had loads of fun- I guess… teehee. All I remember is waking up next to Scott in my Birthday suit… in my old bedroom. Awkwardest breakfast EVER. When I asked Scott if I did anything embarassing, he only shrugged and said, “Not really. Only if you count falling on your ass in the front yard, almost flashing the entire neighborhood.”
Note to self: Never go to Savannah again and never wear short dresses again. But it was this cute little red, satin number that I wore with some t-straps.
Next post I will tell you about my *sigh* 30th Birthday… I”M OLD!!! When did this happen and how!!
07.29.08
Guilty Of Blog Neglect
My laptop has been out of commission since… when was the last post I wrote? I’ve been suffering from withdrawal like a cokewhore stuck with a very expensive bag of powdered sugar. I don’t know how I survived before I got this man-made beauty because I surely can’t survive without it now apparently. I had to do all my orders over the phone and with a tree’s-worth of legal pads. I guess it was a goods thing you readers did not get to witness this meltdown of my humanity and social acceptance… It was not pretty lol
I admit that my behavior was horrible, and as soon as I got my precious laptop back from the techies that I beg and flirt with to fix my stuff, I rehired Jesse because she had quit, and gave everyone a slight raise to stay. Things are smoothed over now, but they walk around like there are random landmines strewn under the floor. I think they are expecting another episode of Lina: Homicidal Bitch and Tyrant.
It also helps that I closed up shop for a day or two, giving us all a much needed cooling down day. I went down to Jekyll Island with the chicas and cooked my face on the beach. Water-proof sunblock my ass. Now I got the perfect color to end the vacation season and more shot glasses for my collection. Yes, I have a collection of shotglasses. I buy one every time I go somewhere new. I stole on from a bar in Greece since I couldn’t find a gift shop in the tiny village we docked at.
Scott handled it all surprisingly well. He cooked and didn’t make any type of his typical remarks when I bitched. He was, and is still being, well-rewarded for the trouble. wink wink I think I may still blow his mind yet. lol
I missed everybody and wonder how you all are doing!!
Why, oh why, does my skin peel so?!
07.09.08
The Will Of Man
If I ever EVER have children, they get to fight over my possessions when I die. That’s a big if anyway, but they’ll get to experience what I’m going through now. I’ve driven down to Savannah 4 or 5 times in the past week to go help my family settle my father’s estate and belongings. Let me tell you, getting the mementos that you want from a family without a will to go by is as difficult as fitting a square peg into a round hole. I’m the square peg of the family! My mom and dad owned quite a bit of land out in the country where they raised, bred, and sold horses. Well, that’s what my dad did. My mom worked elsewhere and spent his money.
I have a horse there by the name of Bean, he’s a pinto (get it lol). Well, I grew up on this horse, was in the high school rodeo association with Bean, and have a bum knee because of this horse. I was barrel racing on him when he slipped and rolled over on my left leg. My knee and down was torn to hell and back, and I was laid up in the bed for a couple of weeks and got to go to school in a wheelchair and then with crutches. It still gives me trouble from time to time, and I’ll probably be as stiff as an old lady’s teased hairdo when I get old, but those years I spent on a horse were gold. Of course, after my accident Daddy wouldn’t let me go near competitive riding, and when I rode for fun somebody had to be with me.
Anyway, back to his stuff. Bean is in my dad’s name, and as his wife, my mom gets everything. My mom is a pretty cool lady for a small-town gal, but she once mentioned selling “Green Acres” as my dad jokingly called it I miss his corny jokes. I liked to have stroked out, but she heard the strangled growl/choking sound I made and changed the subject. After all was said and done, during which time I made myself not seriously injure my two older siblings, I was able to drive away with my dad’s gun collection (and there’s a damn lot of them), all of his books (there weren’t a lot of them-mostly old cookbooks and out-dated encyclopedias), a pocketknife, and the keys to his 1974 yellow Mustang. It stays in a storage building in Savannah until I can get it finished enough to be able to drive it up to Atlanta, but I don’t have anywhere to put an classic car. I guess Scott could drive it to work since it gets better gas mileage than his truck by far. That’s something I want to take a picture of: my big bear Skippy behind the wheel of that car.
That’s another reason I couldn’t argue for more of my dad’s stuff; I don’t have anywhere to put it. I could’ve talked my mom into selling me “Green Acres” cheap, and I could get a loan to build me a little house out there, but I’m settled in my city ways. I can’t go back to country-bumpkin-ville. If she sells it, I will move all my shit to Savannah and make it my life’s mission to make her regret it. I can understand moving on with her life and all, but she cannot sell my dad’s life’s work! He came out of a bad childhood into a very successful adulthood, and I wil not see that sold away!
On a lighter note, Scott’s been quietly gleeful about something, but he won’t tell me what it it. I told him that he better not make me use my “womanly wiles” on him, and he pulled the Home Alone face (remember Macauley caulkin before the drugs… aww right? lol) and wiggled his butt at me as he walked away. Do all men secretly have feminine streaks in them, or did I just rub off too badly on my big manly man and make him into a womanly man :O lol
Things should calm down and go back to normal now that I don’t have to deal with family bullcrappola anymore. Off to order in new stock! I can just smell that new book smell now!!!
Who needs a man’s man when you can have a woman’s man? rrwwwaaarrr….
06.16.08
Budget Feuding and Sexy Brooding
note to self: never fall in love with someone who hates spending money
Scott and I have been arguing for the past week practically over my monetary habits. With the vacation knocking on our door, we’ve both been stressed trying to get our jobs set up to survive in our absence. He’s been coming home with his already short hair pulled into stress-induced spikes, grabbing a couple of beers, and hunkering down in his chair with his laptop and notepad. I’ve been balancing the booking, I’m setting stuff up to be able to pay everybody this Friday rather than the usual next Tuesday (Damn! that’s gonna screw up the whole bi-weekly routine i have), teaching Jesse things about the store’s shipping, restocking, “special customers”, etc in order for her not to do the hair-pully, very scarey, stress thing that Scott’s been doing.
All this has come together to stir up some monumental fights in Hermitsville. He’s get pissed that I’ve been buying him clothes and stuff for the trip. I get pissed because he’s acting bitchy, and so on and so forth. I hate, absolutely hate fighting, shouting, yelling, and any other negative confrontation of the sort, but I go there when I deem it worth it. Scott is worth it.
After I prove him a little wrong, or he gets his point across in the loudest way possible and I get loud back at him, he throws himself into his chair and stares at either his computer screen or the tv, pouting like a little boy. No matter how angry I am, this cools me down instantly; he’s just so sexy when he broods/pouts that I can’t resist getting him riled up in a very different manner.
Which is the reason I’ve been going to sleep on my long lunch breaks and my eyes feel crusty and dry. He came home this evening having left all of his stuff at work “by accident,” and we both laid down, going to sleep at around 6:30. Of course, I woke up about 2 hours ago starving, so I woke him up, and we ate bagged salad poured into a big bowl with leftover chicken cut up and tossed in, chopped up baby carrots, and Italian dressing. We fork-dueled over the last piece of chicken, which he won (the booger), and our play-fighting turned into some very good makeup sex. Good God, I cannot get enough of this man! I told him so, and he laughed, saying, “You better not because I ain’t goin’ anywhere. You’re stuck with me.” Yay, I say. Wouldn’t want to be stuck with anyone else.
Whoever said makeup sex is better than any other sex is stupid, but they may be onto something in their own perverted, too-much-time-on-their-hands, way.
Yay, I say.
06.03.08
Planes, Manes, and Automobiles
Skinny Me is leaving in a couple of days. She’s taking a late-night flight back to Kentucky, and I’m torn. I didn’t realize how much I miss my girls until I had someone to talk to everyday again. As soon as Skinny Me is gone, I will be calling a meeting of the Three Crazy Chicas
On the other hand, Skinny Me has brought that long-forgotten and never-welcome drama back into my life that only the young and inexperienced can create. Yesterday, I caught her mooning over a picture of Awkward on her phone. I commanded her to call him, text him, email him, send him a frickin’ carrier pigeon, ANYTHING! She looked at me like I had told her to recreate the Holocaust.
Eau de OMG turned out to be not enough of a distraction for her (Thank God- he wore enough cologne to drown a fish) and she went back into a depression. She stayed in bed for a day and when I came home Saturday she wasn’t there. She sauntered in while Scott and I were “watching” some movie that he had rented. teehee. unhum. I gaped at her for a second, totally forgetting my shirtless significant other laying on the couch next to me. Skinny me now has a short, golden blonde bob that makes her look very chic fabulous. She did a twirl, smiled, and went back to Scott’s apartment. Scott just looked at me with that oh so sexy curious look on his face, and I promptly forgot Ms. Blonde Ambition. I’m a sucker for him; coherent thoughts and worries around him is like putting a flak jacket on after being shot- pointless. I’m going off of on a tangent from which I would not soon return. Sooo…. she can drastically change her hair, but she won’t call a guy she’s known for years now?
Although Awkward is handsome in a (how can I put this politely?) geek who really got in shape kind of way- he’s even tan and has some muscular arms. He had glasses (and got contacts from what Skinny Me said) and looks like he spends more time on the computer than with real people.
Kill me now. I finally had to tell her that if she wasn’t going to step up to the plate and try to do anything about her situation that she couldn’t come crying to me anymore. I know that’s a harsh thing to say to one’s possible future in-law (BIG MAYBE!), but Skinny Me needs tough love. Scott lets her get away with stuff because of whats she has been through, but you know what? I wasn’t around for that, so I’m going to treat her like any other friend with a whining problem.
On top of that, my allergies seem to be making up for the few months that I was free while others suffered. I sleep a lot during the day now (usually at my desk in the store. lol) and stay up into the wee hours of the night on the computer or reading because my throat is too dry and my head is too stopped up to sleep.
Skippy is happily oblivious to all of this. He enjoys being “with his two favorite girls” as he put it. Skinny Me asked me not to say anything to Scott because he would “take the first flight to Kentucky and kill him slowly and painfully.” all her words and exaggerated. Scott may look like a weight-lifting, head-bashing thug, but he’s a total dork too. Who else finishes editing a two-page spread at 2 in the morning and then plays Halo for two hours because he needed to “unwind” and “detox.” *sigh* I can’t say anything because I watched with delight and then fought for the controller when I wanted to play GTA 4.
btw, I sold my car! That money is so going towards a summer vacation- just me, Scott, and the sun shining out across the water Yummy. Besides, I realized the parking bill wasn’t worth it for something I never drove. I’m thinking about getting a motorcycle
Mondays suck. How was your weekend?
05.25.08
Don’t You Know It? I’m A Poet!
As promised, here is the poem I wrote for Skinny Me. She happened to love it, and it seems I have a younger sister now.
Lovers Anonymous
My name is lonely.
I am addicted to you
Your touch, your laugh,
Your voice, your smile.
But you don’t know,
How I yearn for that connection.
I’m impatient.
Can’t wait for my next fix of you.
Obsessed?
Maybe
Addicted?
Definitely
Itching for that next moment.
Restless for that next touch.
Withdrawal is my symptom.
You are the disease and the cure.
Tell me what you think because I don’t know if I even like it. If I get any good reviews, who knows? I may even let Scott read it. He’s not big on poetry though, which is why I love him. There is no hidden meaning or questioning with him.
