03.26.09
Verbal Retardation
Everybody goes through this, right? You know, those moments… days… sometimes, months where you are just unable to get your mouth to form the words that you had so easily sent down that short neural pathway a mere moment before. (ok so i took quite a bit of psychology and anatomy before I learned just how lazy, and squeamish, I really was.)
Anyway, between allergies reducing me to muffled monotones and sleepless nights, it seems Scott sleep-elbows when he is having a hard time sleeping, I am one misunderstood being. With this new voluntary silence, I stay home for the most part im-ing Jesse all day. Besides, I get more done at home…. That’s a lie 
Skippy’s been at home too, so we’ve gotten nothing accomplished this past week, except maybe re-effing up my knee and giving each other minor concussions. He was showing me some of his martial arts moves, I threw in one of my WWE learned moves, and it went to hell in a bruised handbasket from there. But, it hasn’t all been decorating the home office and wrestling. I’ll say some of my wounds are from love, not war, and drop it there…
Uh Hum. Ah, yes, the home office. Well, we took my old desktop pc to the nearest Goodwill last week and painted Friday night. The walls are dark khaki, the chair rail and moldings are black, and the wall below the chair rail is black as well. The old futon guest bed went into storage, and he brought in this worn black leather couch that his cousin had supposedly been saving for him since after college. It looks clean and some scented leather oil perfected it. I already had a huge executive-looking black desk chair that I stole from a professor freshman year, so we just painted his big desk black and replaced the door pulls with pewter ones… perfecto!! I finished the room off with bright red throw pillows from this little textile store I know, some red desk essentials since all mine either got broken or ended up in my office at the store, and some black and white pictures.
I swear the tv could go in there, and we would never touch the main room again! We spent all day today in there, and it was heaven. Skippy working at the desk on his brand-spanking new laptop, and me sprawled on the couch with the dogs reading and trying not to think about the tax work that I’ve been semi-working on every evening.
Wedding mess is going well… for now. She hasn’t decided to start calling me at 4 in the morning freaked out about something like some other half bridezilla I knew, but the moment she does, I have her permission to hang up on her, storm her apartment, and kidnap her for 2 days… one day for the beatings and another for a spa day. I got my priorities straight even if my speaking is not. Skip’s new phrase is, “Mangle away, babe,” for every time I call “him” a “her”, Bella Halley and vice versa, and my favorite that i can remember right now: emphasis becomes em-phass-is. Yes, I do believe I was meant to be mute, but I was too stubborn to comply with my destiny.
Off to go watch some late-night tv and focus on not suffocating on the pollen-fueled shit congesting my head. Btw, who’s heard of Escape The Fate because I have now become obsessed with their song Situations. It’s just… funny. Happy late St. Patty’s with the green beer and Irish car bombs and all that lucky charms and green. Hope yours was the best you may never remember hehehe…
07.13.08
How Does That Happen?!
Friday, Scott and I had our first date since forever. Technically, we’re dating, and we introduce each other as “my boyfriend” or “my girlfriend,” but we never actually go on dates. We don’t call each other in advance, he doesn’t come and pick me up, and we don’t debate on where to go. It’s more along the lines of when he gets home from work, I’m sitting on his couch on the laptop with the news on in the background. I can tell if he’s in the mood or not, and I’ll ask him if he feels like going out. He’ll either shrug and plop down onto the couch next to me to “talk” me into staying in, or he’ll ask what he needs to change into. Dates don’t happen very often in Hermitsville. I used to go out and party every other night with my young, hip, trendy friends, but Scott makes me feel very calm and content with staying home. Sometimes, it gets to the point where he’ll ask if I want to do something and I’ll curl my lip up as if to say, “You mean, go outside? Around people?!”He’ll laugh and we’ll cook dinner together and make our own, and much cheaper, fun.
We started a new tradition though, just to keep us out of old, married, couplesville while we’re still young. Every Friday, we get off work at the same time, meet up at the apartments, and decide on a date spot. We agreed that every other Friday was movie date, and the other Friday’s were open. So week before last, we drove to Centennial Olympic Park and just walked around the park and the area with Wednesday and Georgia in tow. It was so nice outside because the sun was going down, and although I’m usually afraid to walk around Atlanta by myself, I had two guard dogs, and a guard boyfriend with me. lol
Last Friday was movie night. We went to see Hellboy II: The Golden Army. It was awesome! I love comic book movies, but I’m not a fan of Spiderman, the new Hulk movie, or the new Superman movie. We sat in the back row and listened to all the little kids in the front rows have fits over the scene where Hellboy and Abe are drunk. IT WASN’T THAT FUNNY OKAY!!! jeez, I wanted to look to see if they had wet the seats the way these kids were laughing. What was funny, and what they wouldn’t have picked up on was that Hellboy and firechick Liz are two different species. In the movie, she finds out that she’s pregnant.
Well, this made me and Scott crack up. In the scene where Liz tells Hellboy, I turned to Scott and whispered, “How does that happen?” and we couldn’t stop laughing even though it was the most serious part of the entire movie. Just thinking about tiny little Liz gettin’ it on with Hellboy made me laugh long after the movie ended. i elbowed Scott as we were leaving the theater, saying, “I bet if he ever spanked her, he would break her hip.”
He laughed and said something about the reason she wore black cover-all clothing through the movie.
If Hellboy 2 wasn’t enough for my imagination, the previews started it all. Nicholas Cage and his horrible hair have a new movie set in Thailand. He plays an assassin who takes on some folks after something happens. I was laughing to hard and making dirty jokes with Scott to notice what the movie was about. It’s called “Bangkok Dangerous”!!!! Can you believe that?! It sounds like a cheap asian porno!!!!!! lmao
Anyway, I’ve filled my dirty joke quota for the year, so next time we’re going to see Space Chimps or some chick flick. I never knew I needed to get out more until we actually did it
Low on sleep… running on adrenaline… and energy drinks… feel like playing hooky from work. But mom it really hurts! lol Hope everybody had nice weekends like I did
05.19.08
So Tired Of Everything
My usual pleasant to the point of possibly medicated and chipper mood is MIA. My moods used to flucuate more than an airplane’s altitude when I was younger, but I always chalked that up to my single status and close friendship with alcohol. I spent the weekend playing the new Grand Theft Auto game with Scott because it is FRICKING AWESOME! So what if I’m going on 30 and love video games? We share a game because I’m the best at driving and doing random public massacres in crowded areas while he actually plays to finish the game. lol
Anywho, I woke up Sunday with this cloud over my head for some reason. I sat on the couch in my jammies trying to do work while I was really only surfing the internet for hours on end while Scott went on a run with the dogs. He came back with his shirt thrown over his shoulder, all sweaty and sexy-looking, but I just couldn’t focus enough to make those basketball shorts disappear. He looked at me kind of funny when I only waved at his return, but he didn’t say anything.
To make matters worse, there was some drama going on at work. I had hired a new part-time girl to work every other afternoon. I should’ve known better than to hire anyone who had their phone flashing ever couple of seconds. I’m not having kids…ever. Adoption or foster home? Possibility, but a lot (not all) of kids these days have no respect… FOR ANYTHING! I shot her down for more than minimum wage, and I kind of have a rule against open flaunting of skin. I may wear nice clothes that show off my legs or wear a low-cut top, but no belly-shirts, tube tops, hooker heels, bra tops, backless tops, or booty shorts allowed in my place of business. My store is like a library because of the diversity of the people who come in. I digress.
The new girl, who I have dubbed, Dollar Menu because at the strip club (which is where she’s headed by the looks of it) dollar bills are the main currency, is butting heads with Jesse like they were two male mountain goats fighting over a patch of grass and a female goat. Jesse is around 22, but she has the disposition of someone my age. She is big on respect and manners, so of course mayhem would unfold if the two had to to work together.
Today, I had to break up a shouting match that looked like it was going to turn violent in about half the tine it takes to blink. I had to fire Dollar Menu, who called Jesse a brown-nosing, dyke, ass-kisser. How mature is that?! I sent Jesse home to cool off, but I think she believes that I’m going to fire her. My send-offs may have been taken the wrong way because I’m just too tired to put feeling into it. I spoke very firmly, but remained calm. Usually, I probably would’ve yelled myself red in the face because nothing pisses me off more than dragging your personal problems into my place of business, but my brain just kept telling me that it didn’t care. I need to call her and assure her that she is not going anywhere… even if she wanted to.
I think I need to sleep and get my head all balanced out. I’ll probably stay out of work tomorrow and just rest. It’s really odd-feeling to know that you should be reacting and show emotions, but you just can’t. I feel just like my profile picture, which I don’t think is a good thing. I just want to curl up and forget about the world and it’s problems for a while.
Hope everybody had nice weekends
03.24.08
Confessional From The Bathroom Floor
The past few days has been hell, torture, and all things in-between. I’ll get my posts all caught up one of these days. The other evening, Bill called me. He wanted to go talk over drinks at some sports bar. At first, I kept saying no because I had made a salad and cooked this really good little flatbread pizza. He eventually wore me down enough and dinner was wrapped up and put in the fridge. I put on some jeans, a UGA t-shirt, my Nikes, and a cute cotton jacket from Old Navy; I was trying to tone down the glam-girl look he had seen at the wedding, hoping/praying that he would go back to being the genius best friend. I even shoved some bobby pins in my hair and was able to get it into a skinny rubberband. I was rockin’ the “just left the leash and pedometer by the door” look if I do say so myself.
Extremely long story short, Bill ended up drunk as a effin’ skunk, calling me from the mens’ bathroom. I went in to drag him out, which turned into him confessing his love for me and his idiocy for never telling me. Needless to say, I got the bartender todrag his ass into a cab and left him. It’s one thing to get drunk off your face, I’ll help you get home and maybe even stay to make sure you go to sleep on your side with a trashcan, aspirin, and water nearby, but when you tell me how much you love me, beg me to be with you, and cry about how you wished you were with me rather than “Andre The Giant,” (which I had, and will continue to have, a good laugh about this) I go from nursemaid to cold, hard bitch who leaves your dumb ass on the nasty tiled floor of the mens’ bathroom.
When I got home, Scott was sleeping in my recliner with Georgia on his feet, one of my blankets across his body, his glasses sliding down his face, and his laptop on the verge of becoming buddies with the floor. I just stood, stared at this picture of peacefulness and love, and may have even cried a bit. He awoke once he heard me moving around in the bedroom as I changed and got ready to go to sleep. “How was your evening out?” He asked in that sexy groggy way as he scratched the growing shadow on his chin and cheeks.
I turned to him with a smile and hugged him tightly. I figured I’d tell him when I wasn’t so emotional. And, I did! Ta-dah! I told him last night when he spotted me checking my phone for the millionth time because Bill has been calling and texting all the damn time. He’s apologized, asked for forgiveness, blamed it on the alcohol, asked to be my friend, you name it. I’m just reading and deleting baby, that is until Scott asked. I had to tell him the whole story over a glass of wine with our dinner. He got pissed, whoo! did he get pissed, but I calmed him down (and even made him laugh) with his new nickname and the fact that I left the guy lying on the bathroom floor. I have a nagging feeling that Scott suspects that I’m involved with Bill, which is never, hear me NEVER, going to happen. Scott’s too sweet, smart, kind, tough, protective, caring, funny, and all that wrapped in a hot package (plus I love him to no end) for me to betray loyalty like that. No way, jose!
All this added onto the week I had in Savannah makes me a very stressed out person. I hope everybody’s Easter was nice; I spent Easter working from bed, eating some of the chocolate that Scott and I bought. My covers have officially dominated my will and hold it hostage at the most opportune moments for me!
12.30.07
Rockin’ Out Like It’s 1989!
Well, I was only 11 in 1989, but 1999 was not the best year for me.
Scott and I are leaving to go to his family’s house tomorrow. We would’ve left today, but I couldn’t leave the store on one of the busiest Saturdays of the year. We’ll be staying at a hotel near his parents’home because I insisted and his relatives will be there in force… again. They better stock up real good, because I will be drinking myself under the table during the FOUR days that we are spending in Alabama.
I’ve packed all my jeans, none of my slacks or designer heels, and a dress for New Year’s Eve that Scott hasn’t seen yet. I imagine his jaw will be somewhere near the floor when he sees it. After Scott told me that the New Year’s Eve party was more than just family and that I needed to dress up that one night, I spent all night online looking for the perfect party dress. He woke up one time during that night, and once he figured out what I was doing, murmured, “I love your legs, honey.”
Then, I found it… Of course, I took the contrasting camisole out because I wanted to make an impression. Part of my black strapless bra will be visible in the front, but it’s not in the back… I tried it on and checked when I first got it. Let’s just say it definitely shows off my legs- even if they aren’t as tan as they should be. (no bending over either)
Georgia is going to stay with Halley and Edward until I get back. Her and Wednesday get along so well that it’s scary. Wednesday likes to act like a puppy to around Georgia, but she acts like the mama around me. My dogs are conspiring against me, I know it.
Shit!! I just realized that I’ll have to watch the Sugar Bowl in a room full of Auburn fans. Just great… I’ll have to bite my tongue and drink beer. Although I know he is secretly a firm UGA fan, he went to Auburn and has some loyalties there too. That’s why we are spending a few days apart when the time rolls around when the two teams finally play each other again. That’s if we’re still dating come football season next year.
Must remain optimistic. Must not look for flaws where none present themselves. Ohm… 
I’ll post as soon as we get back from Alabama. Until then, Happy New Year’s too all. Seen you in 2008!
12.27.07
Puppy Dog Tails
As I type this post, I am being constantly interrupted by my belated Christmas present from Scott. I woke up this morning not being able to breathe. Once I figured out that there was something lying across my face, and that it was alive, I quite flailing like a fish out of water. Scott was sitting on the bed laughing himself to death. He must have played sports because he caught the flying furball when I threw it at him. (I’m not the nicest person first thing in the morning) He told me that the puppy just turned old enough for him to register it and make everything nice and legal. I love being involved wth someone who is as much of a goody-two-shoes as I am!
“What the hell?” I shouted, then gave him my best apologetic look as he held up a tiny Boxer puppy.
We decided on naming it Georgia. It was a compromise, since he wasn’t having anything to do with her being named Uga. He likes to act ridiculous to make me think I’m getting my way.
Now, I have to take her to work with me everyday because there is no way she is staying in my apartment unsupervised. Jesse is now my puppy nanny. She gets to run around after her in the shop and clean up any surprises as well as do her normal job. Good thing I gave her a good Christmas bonus even though she’s only been working for me a few months.
Argh! I can’t do anything with Georgia in my lap, crawling on me, stepping on my keyboard, and whining when I put her down. I have an idea! Scott gets shared custody on the evenings we don’t spend together! That’s not many evenings but it’s enough for me to safe my skin and my sanity. I wonder if dogs can read because the little downy-soft nightmare just disappeared. Ah well, I’ll find her sooner or later since she’s got a catbell on her collar. Bella, you are a genius and my saviour for that little idea
12.23.07
Couple Mode and Spazzy Jazz
Scott and I are officially in couple mode, and it hasn’t even been 3 months!! I haven’t gone out with the girls since that night before we started the blog. wow…. I’ve had so much more energy now that I’m not staying out until 3 getting drunk anymore. Gasp! Am I maturing? Don’t tell anybody, ok?
I was walking Wednesday yesterday when my good friend Jake came jogging up. Jake was my boyfriend in college, and now we have a brother/sister friendship. Oh who am I kidding??!! Jake looks like Matthew McConaughey, and I was lucky enough to have an English class with him. He’s a lean, not-so-mean, hot machine. I had to mentally slap myself and picture my chunk of muscle who was baking cookies.
Anyways, I stopped, hugged Jake hard while trying not to ogle or grab him, and listened to him as he asked me questions about my life at the speed of light. He paused when I told him that I had a boyfriend, and yes, things were kind of serious. We were sharing a slightly awkward silence when he suddenly asks if he can move into my apartment!!!
I think I stopped breathing for a second as he explained that the publishing company he wrote and was editor for went through the motions of a cut back and fired him. Now, he’s losing his apartment and needed a place to stay. “I was going to call my college roommate, but since I bumped into you. Please take pity on one of your best friends!!!!”
Sighing, I nodded slowly, knowing my over-developed sense of charity and niceness would come to snap me in the ass one day.
He moved his stuff into my home office today, making it into a cramped bedroom. I came home late from the store, ready to change into some ratty jammies and lay on the couch with Scott. Did that happen? No. We had just put in Stardust, and snuggled in to not watch the movie when this loud, annoying, and just plain weird music came blasting out of Jake’s new bedroom.
“What the hell was that?” Scott shouted as he sprang off of the couch. I sat in awe. How could a man that tall and such move so quickly and… well… nimbly?
“That’s my new roommate, Jake.” At his enraged look, I quickly explained the whole shibang to him. He banged on Jake’s door. When it opened, Scott stuck out one large, callused hand. “Hi, I’m the boyfriend. What are you listening to? It sounds like an epilectic playing multiple instruments during a seizure”
I smacked my forehead and ran over to them before they began growling at each other.
“It’s new-age, alternative jazz. Some friends of mine started a jazz band; they play in New York. They sent me a copy of their demo.”
I looked back and forth between Scott and Jake. Damn! My tastes have changed!! Jake is lean, wiry and handsome, but looks very scholarly at times. Scott is tall, ginormous, hot, and looks like an ad for Wrangler Jeans or Ford Trucks. There is a major difference between them that has nothing to do with physical appearance. I had to chase Jake. Scott was there like a brick wall I ran into. (there is a compliment towards scott in there somewhere
I used the remote in Jake’s hand to shut off his stereo. “No new-age in my apartment, bub.”
He nodded, a mischievious glint coming into his eyes. “No bringing home dates then.”
I looked at Scott, grinned, and nodded. “Fine.”
Slipping into my houseshoes, I grabbed Scott’s hand, the Stardust DVD, and the container of Christmas cookies. “See you tomorrow, roomie.” And I was down the hall to Scott’s apartment. Aren’t I just the meanest ex- girlfriend on Earth. Muahahahaha 
I have to go to Alabama with Scott tomorrow. He’s dragging me out of bed at 5 in the morning to spend Christmas Eve with his family. Somebody! Shoot! Me! Now!
12.06.07
Sweet Juicy (Racy) Gossip!!!
I am not the swooning type, I leave that to Halley, but I will illustrate the perfect moment in my life.
4th Date People!!! (it’s a new record)
“Dinner was great! Where did you learn to cook?” (Me)
“My mother taught me how to cook while my father taught me how to play football.” (Scott)
“Isn’t that how it always goes?”
“Yup.”
(charged silence)
“I think I might love you.” (THIS IS NOT ME TALKING FOLKS!!)
*cue swooning*
“Really?” Fake skepticism
“Will you stay over tonight?”
And from the rosy glow that you can see from space, you can tell where all this went. I’ve been catching up on my thoughts in what little free time I’ve had, and I’ve come to a conclusion. Wowza, wowwee, holy mama, I think I love him.
So my friends and family cannot say that I have commitment problems, because it is not true people! It is so breath-taking to have someone in your life who calls just to see how your day has been going, no strings attached… well maybe theres one string attached (whether or not I can leave work that is)
Speaking of work, have I ever mentioned I hate the holidays with a passion while also loving them entirely? Busy days full of annoying customers and tourists mean more money in my pocket but less time to spend it on my own longer than life list. Does Thanksgiving temporarily deactivate brain cells until mid-January? People forget how to look for things that are alphabetized! If you can’t find Smith between Samson and Spokes than maybe you should be in a movie store instead of a bookstore.
Takes less effort to watch a movie than it is to read a book. Not enough time in the day. At least I’m closed on Sundays, or I would never get anything done.
I shall remain a cynic until the end however. Mentally, i’m waiting until something happens and enjoying myself in the mean time. Time for a little prayer: God, please prove me wrong and let me stay happy.
Gossip: Yes, I did sleep with him if it wasn’t obvious. I am currently living “in sin” seeing as Wednesday’s bed is in his living room and she sleeps on the couch instead. We haven’t made any decisions or had any serious talks, but I am getting a strange sense that it will be coming up during dinner tomorrow. He’s making lasgna and garlic bread.
Guess I better hit the gym sometime tomorrow. I’ll get Scott to join me. The man has arms like a California redwood! Jeez Louise!
11.23.07
Official First Date
I’ve been working on this post for the past 2 days.
I had to go to the gym today, I ate so much last night.
After a stressful day at the store, one which I spent in my office instant messaging Scott, I came home to Wednesday. She spent the day sleeping on my bed again, so I knew I wouldn’t be bringing Scott back to my place. There is dog hair everywhere! *shudders*
After a speedy shower, I straightened my short, brown hair and dressed to drool. Looking back now, wearing fitted jeans and a tailored button-up shirt was both a good and a bad thing. I padded barefoot down the hall, carrying my cellphone and a bottle of red wine. (barefoot? you gasp- yes… I go everywhere possible barefooted. It’s the disposition of having been raised ten minutes from any other civilization.)
I knocked on his door. When he opened it, I quite possibly might have swayed forward. The man looked great in an expensive suit tailored to his large frame perfectly. He had on that adorable apron again; this time I actually looked at it. It was tan with various old food stains on it and a few new ones.
“What’s for dinner?” I asked as he let me in. I had been smelling something delicious all afternoon.
“Baked Potato Soup.”
I looked at him. “Marry me.”
We laughed and he kissed me. “Not yet.”
My brain and my hormones screamed like teenage girls at a Backstreet Boys concert (ok, Fallout Boy if you are younger than 21). “How was your day?”
He sighed. “It was a bitch, trying to fit everything in before I leave for the holiday. What are your plans for Thanksgiving?”
It was my turn to sigh. “I’m leaving Thursday morning and driving down to my parents’ house in Savannah. Get there just in time for dinner, conversation, and bedtime.”
I opened the wine as he spooned out the soup and garnished it with shredded cheese, bacon, and chooped green onion. “Are you really a chef disguised as a magazine editor?”
He laughed. “No, allrecipes.com is on my favorites list.”
I was still impressed. So impressed that I ate 2 bowls of the stuff. It was a little embarassing, but 1: I hadn’t eat anything but granola bars and coffee all day and 2: it was damn good.
After dinner, we talked as we did the dishes and drank more wine. (he has a wine fridge people!) Somehow, we looked at each other for a moment and ended up kissing on the kitchen floor.
Don’t worry, I’m not THAT easy folks. I stood up and pushed the wine bottle away. We made out like a bunch of teenagers on the couch instead. That was moving a long nicely when Halley called, sobbing into the phone. After I told Scott what was going on, he went into the kitchen, coming out carrying 2 brown paper bags. “Liquor, chocolate ice cream, and leftover cookie dough.”
I hugged him, which turned into another kissing fest. “You might turn out to be a keeper, buddy,” I said before running back to my apartment to put on my shoes and jacket.
Halley’s post covered what happened at her place, so I won’t go over it again. Check back soon for my Thanksgiving Day disasters.
-Lina (the boonies girl)
